Two and a half years
have passed since this blog was updated. I look back now and see the fun
times shared between Torrie and me. I lot has changed since then.
We are no longer married and never in my wildest dreams did I imagine
that we would not spend the rest of our lives together.
As I look back over the
last two years, anything that could happen, did happen. My outlooks on
marriage in the beginning led to our demise. I saw marriage as the
finish line, when it was actually suppose to be the beginning of a new and
exciting journey. My outlook was off, but I still felt like I was
marrying my best friend. And from the looks of this blog, we had a great
life until reality arrived.
There were three areas
in which I failed as a husband. These faults include:
- I never gained the confidence of my wife
- I let the romance die
- I didn't protect my mind
Trust is a powerful tool. As
Christians we proclaim to God that we love, trust, and honor Him. In
Matthew it states, "For
this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
and the two will become one flesh". Prior to our wedding, there were
exchanges that took place between my mother and Torrie. In my mind, they
were things that I felt were being taken out of context. I handled this
situation very poorly and I was never able to recover from this situation
during the marriage. Because of this, my wife did not trust me to be her
protector.
As
I stated earlier, I saw marriage as the finish line. Therefore, I allowed
our lives to become routine. Routine meant that we were doomed without
excitement. I failed to make her feel beautiful inside and out. And
as you can tell from the photos, she's a gorgeous woman. She asked me
once “what did I do before her when I wanted to have sex with women".
I did not understand the question and I thought it was very out of line.
However, she was trying to tell me that she was not being fulfilled in
our relationship.
What
you put into your mind will determine how far you will go. I put poison
into my system mentally, and it was the final act that made my wife leave.
I hurt her will selfish actions and pushed her into a corner that caused
her to question life and her purpose. Because of what I allowed in my
system, it affected the woman that I had sworn to protect at the altar.
Everything wrong in
our relationship did not start and end with me. However, I feel that if I
were more proactive in understanding my roll and being a better leader, we would
not have experienced most of the problems we encountered. Over the next
few weeks I will detail how I failed as a husband. Hopefully, it will
help someone else not make the same mistakes. And eventually, I'll go
through the grief stages of divorce and what it means to lose your best friend.
